The quackery is a competitive business, so it’s vital to have a gimmick. Our driver, Hansel (who actually has a cousin named Gretel) was taking us to a healer whose hook was that she diagnosed and treated patients using eggs. ‘I suppose being a quack doctor she’ll use duck eggs,’ I joked.

‘No, we don’t have ducks here,’ Hansel replied, leaving my words lingering like a bad smell.

‘Wonder if she’ll use an eggs-ray,’ I persevered. My companion, sitting next to me on the back seat, elbowed me sharply. ‘I don’t think so...’ said Hansel, blankly.

We arrived at a small settlement of wooden houses where chickens, dogs and children roamed. Inside the only concrete house we were introduced to Concordia, a short, giggly, 51-year-old woman.

Wearing a thin cotton dress and a Chicago Bulls cap, she smiled a toothless smile, and we grinned nervously back. An elderly couple, Filipinos who lived in America and had come back specially to see Concordia, sat with us. Another recuperating patient, his throat heavily bandaged, sat beside Concordia, looking miserable.

‘Neck cancer,’ said Concordia. I asked if he felt better. There was a long pause before he answered weakly, and none too convincingly, that yes he did, and continued stroking his neck with an egg.

‘Have you eggs?’ asked Concordia. We hadn’t thought of that. A small boy was dispatched with a wad of currency. When he returned Concordia began. First she rubbed the eggs vigorously over our stomachs, while muttering what sounded like Latin, her eyes rolling disconcertingly. Next she broke the eggs on to a plate with ‘Boun Appetito!’ written on it, and examined the contents.

My companion was diagnosed as suffering from trapped wind and told to buy another egg (which Concordia touched with the tip of her tongue and blessed), and roll it over her stomach for five minutes each morning for four days, taking care to only roll in one direction. I was told to stop eating raw fish because it was loosening my bowels (actually there was some truth in this, but I’ll spare you the details). Hansel, meanwhile, was told to give up drinking Coca Cola, advice he digested with sombre resignation.

Concordia told us that ten years ago she collapsed into a dream during which she was visited by St Vincent Perreira. He gave her the gift and, once she awoke, she immediately began healing people. So far she had banished cysts, cataracts, brain cancer and a cancerous nipple, among other ailments. We could leave our offering in the small chapel (an open-sided straw hut) next door.

Sadly, two days later, while we were waiting in a hotel lobby someone came up and introduced themselves to us, and my companion - who had been nursing the blessed egg, wrapped in cotton wool in a plastic bag for the entire 48 hours - stood up to shake hands. The bag, which had been on her lap, fell to the marble floor with a sickening crack.